How do I tell someone I only want a platonic relationship?

Photo by sayan Nath on Unsplash

Seems like it'd be a lot easier to just avoid the whole thing...

Resist the urge to fade into the night. Instead, be ready to tell the person you're only interested in a platonic relationship.

To do this, you'll need to:

• plan ahead

• communicate your needs

• maintain the friendship

• take care of yourself in the process

Online

• You met them online and have gone on 1-3 dates.

• You don't want to stay friends.

• You probably won't run into them in your day-to-day life.

In Person

• You met in real life through a friend, school, work, or hobbies.

• You want to stay friends.

• You will see them through shared friends or activities in the future.

Don't forget, someday you'll be on the receiving end of this conversation, if you haven't already! Think about times when you or your friends had this happen. What did they say? Was it helpful or hurtful? What would you want the other person to say if your roles were reversed?

Do

• Think about when you or a friend was on the other side of this conversation.

• Talk to friends about what they would want to hear if it were them.

• Put yourself in the other person's shoes by imagining their emotions.

Don't

• Do nothing and hope they get the hint.

• Avoid crying, smiling, or showing any weakness.

• Gossip about them behind their back.

While it's important to show empathy, you'll need to actually have the conversation about keeping a platonic relationship. Take some time to plan a "thesis statement" — a short, direct sentence — in advance, and repeat it if necessary.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

• Keep it short and direct. Don't be vague or imply you might change your mind later.

• Use general statements. Stay positive and avoid specific criticisms.

• Be sincere. If you tell them you need some time away from romantic relationships, and then start seeing someone else the next week, it won't help your friendship.

Quiz

You've been hanging out with someone and enjoy their company, but you're not interested in dating them. You've brainstormed some possible "thesis statements" to explain that you only want a platonic relationship:

A. "I'm not feeling it right now, but maybe in the future."

B. "It's not you, it's me."

C. "I have fun with you, but I just don't feel that spark."

D. "I don't want a romantic relationship, but I want to stay friends."

• Schedule something fun and relaxing to do after the conversation, like meeting a friend for lunch.

• Try to have the conversation in the daytime if possible, and avoid being under any drug or alcohol influence.

• Set a public location. Even if you're very comfortable with the person, it's easier to leave for lunch with another friend and be on neutral ground.

According to Healthline, "Taking care to set boundaries (and respect theirs) going forward can help you maintain your friendship."

• Figure out in advance when and how you want contact with the person after this. This is up to you and what you're comfortable with. Sometimes people want a break for a month or two, while others are ok texting the next day, and others want to go no contact.

• Respect their boundaries. Even if you're ok hanging out right away, they may not be. Even if it's hard, it's important to let them process the idea of a platonic relationship in their own way.

• Set boundaries for yourself. If you need to unfollow them or focus on seeing other friends, stick to that and re-evaluate later on.