4 successful ways to negotiate with multiple parties

So, you're planning a trip to Japan with your friends in a few months. You're getting all your bags together and you're ready to follow the itinerary you picked out.

As the date gets closer, your friends want to change the plans for Tuesday. Mike wants to go to an amusement park, while Sally wants to go to a temple that day.

Oh no. What do you do now?

Negotiating between multiple parties can be difficult, but it will be worth it in the end when everyone feels heard and compromises.

Before you get into an argument, get a good handle on your emotions.

Negotiating with multiple parties can be a stressful experience, so be sure to manage your emotions before stating your "wants". Your facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice can influence how your words will be received by your friends.

So while you can't control what others say or do, you can control your actions.  Avoid being defensive, aggressive, or reactive. The goal is to compromise.

Quiz: The Trip Plan

You're planning a day trip for your vacation with Mike and Sally. Mike wants to go to a theme park but you want to go to a safari park instead. You're upset but you care about your friend.

How should you respond?

A. "I don't get why we have to go with what you want, Mike. It feels unfair."

B. "Maybe we can find a way to do both?"

C. "I'm open to suggestion. What are some things we can do at the theme park?"

D. "I really want to go to the safari park so let's find a plan that will make all of us happy."

Hear the other parties out. Practice active listening by asking questions for clarity, such as: "Did you want to go to the temple first in Kamakura?"

Then restate what the other party said to show that you're engaged with what they said.

It's important to understand everyone's perspectives and concerns without interrupting them or making assumptions. You need to understand your friends' interests and how they align or conflict with yours.

You can respond: "I hear that you want us to go to the temple at this time to avoid a crowd. Do you want us to skip the dessert place for tomorrow?"

This tactic is useful because it will help you get on the same page or same wavelength as the other party, making them feel heard.

To avoid a conflict in scheduling while in Japan, come up with a few ideas together of what to do if a place gets missed or if the time slot for a location extends over time.

Address disagreements respectfully and calmly by transforming them into opportunities to problem-solve and come up with creative solutions.

Brainstorm together, and evaluate the pros and cons of each option.

By coming up with a small list of potential solutions, or in this case, places in Japan or different times for places, you and your friends will have explored ways to accommodate each other's diverse interests.

Well done! You and your friends have successfully come up with an itinerary that everyone can agree on!

Ensure that everyone agrees and understands the plans. Document the agreement in detail to avoid future misunderstandings.

Get out a piece of paper and write down what you agree on for the final draft of the itinerary, with everyone's signature at the bottom of the page. This will allow everyone to follow what is written on the paper and not get distracted by other thoughts. A Word doc or Google doc works well too!

Be sure to follow up and review the piece agreement if anyone forgets or if there is another disagreement.

Remember, you got this! When you're ready to negotiate: