How do I request a letter of recommendation for college from a personal reference?

You’ve nailed your college application essay and lined up your transcripts — but there’s one more piece that can make your application stand out: a powerful letter of recommendation. Wondering how to ask someone who really knows you?

Let’s break down how to ask — and what to include — to make the process smooth and successful.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

When asking for a letter of recommendation, make it simple for your reference by covering these four key details:

• Who: Which college(s) is the letter for?

• What: Do they need to write a letter, fill out a form, or both?

• When: What’s the deadline? Give them plenty of notice.

• Where: Should they submit it online, email it, or give it back to you?

Being clear up front helps your reference to support you at their best. Providing them specific and detailed instructions also helps them give you a stronger, more personalized letter — now that's a win-win!

Being intentional with asking people who know you and can speak to who you are as a person and a professional is important when asking for references.

Who counts as a personal reference? 🤔

They don’t have to be former bosses — just people who can speak to your character, like your work ethic, values, and integrity.

Choose someone who:

• Has known you 1+ years (ideally more)

• Has seen you in different settings (volunteering, coaching, etc.)

• Can speak to how you show up and what matters to you

Think: volunteer leaders, academic advisors, coaches, and former employers. 💡

When I picked mine, I chose people who:

• Knew me well (3+ years) ✅

• Had seen me in action (teaching, mentoring, researching) ✅

• Understood my values and goals ✅

This included former supervisors from grad school, a children's pastor I worked with, and a supervisor from my favorite job.

So far, we have talked a lot about how to choose the best reference and given a lot of information about what makes a good reference. Now, it's time for you to practice!

You've collected the transcripts, analyzed your grades, and written your entrance essay. Now you just need to find the perfect personal reference. Who would you choose?

Person 1: Your friend Rhonda 👯

Photo by Carol Highsmith's America on Unsplash

You and Rhonda worked together at a fast food restaurant while you were in high school. You saw each other for about ten hours per week, including opening and closing shifts. She worked assembling food in line, while you worked in the front on the cash register.

She has seen you:

• handle stress

• navigate people calling in sick

• diffuse conflict with the crabbiest of managers

Person 2: Mr. Murphy, your favourite English teacher 👨‍🎓

Photo by jose aljovin on Unsplash

Mr. Murphy was your favourite English teacher. You aced his classes and made the school's Honour Roll with your final project.

He has seen you:

• research a concept and write about it from inception to completion

• work with a group

• manage competing priorities and deadlines

Who would you ask?

When asking someone for a personal letter of recommendation, follow a simple formula with this letter of recommendation request sample:

Greet & Give Context 👋

Start with a warm greeting and explain why you're reaching out. "Hi [Name], I hope you’re doing well! I’m applying to [School/Program] and was wondering if you’d be willing to write me a letter of recommendation."

Share Why You’re Asking Them 🙋🏼‍♀️

Tell them why you chose them — every reference brings a unique perspective. "You’ve seen how I support students firsthand, and I think that insight would really speak to the admissions team."

Provide Key Info ℹ️

Make it easy for them to say yes by sharing:

• What you’re applying for

• Why you chose them

• What the process looks like (letter, form, deadline, where to send it)

• Talking points or highlights they might include

Offer Support 🫂

Let them know you’re happy to help. "I can send my resume or a few bullet points if that’s helpful!"

Say Thank You 🙏🏻

Always thank them, whether they say yes or no. Gratitude leaves a lasting impression.

Be sure to keep a balanced approach when communicating with references. This includes asking them, as well as following up once they've provided you with a reference. Remember: the person you're asking has their own responsibilities. It is always a good idea to recognize that they are doing you a favour!

Don’t forget to follow up with a thank-you note once it’s submitted — a little gratitude leaves a lasting impression.

A thoughtful and well-worded message demonstrates maturity and increases the likelihood that they will say yes.

Need a little inspiration? Here's a letter of recommendation request sample script you can use:

Hi [Name],

I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write me a letter of recommendation for [school/program/scholarship]. I really appreciate your support and the kind words you shared on my behalf.

Your encouragement means a lot to me, and I feel more confident knowing someone who knows my strengths was able to speak to them. I’ll be sure to keep you updated on the outcome!

Thanks again for your time and support — it truly means a lot.

Warmly,

[Your Name]

NOTE: If your reference says no, don't forget to still be polite and thank them for their time.

Now that you know how to ask for a letter of recommendation with confidence and respect, it’s time to reach out!

Choose someone who knows you well and can speak to your strengths, prepare your key information, and send your request thoughtfully. Remember to follow up kindly and always express your gratitude.

Taking these steps will help you get a strong recommendation that supports your goals — go ahead and make that ask today!