How I learned to say no and set boundaries ⛔

Saying "no" and setting boundaries is hard!

It's a skill I struggled with a lot during my teen and college days. I felt like I wanted to please everyone and ended up pleasing no one.

Does this sound like you?

Once I learned to set clear boundaries, I was able to avoid over-commitment, burnout, and stress. I also gained my energy, time, and self-respect back.

If you're done saying "yes" when you mean "no," boundary-setting is just the skill you need!

For me, learning to say no was always a challenge.

I didn't want to be left out of plans with my friends and make them feel like I didn't want to hang out.

I struggled with:

• The fear of missing out

• The fear of upsetting my friends

• The lack of self-trust

But when saying yes to others' plans began to make me stressed and anxious, I knew it was time to change my approach.

Setting boundaries can be scary! I know I was scared when I started to set them with my parents and friends.

I know they meant well but their constant advice and personal ideas for my life made me feel like I wasn't in control of my life.

Learning to set boundaries can be empowering for you! It can help you grow as a person and make you trust your own thinking.

1. First, you need to know your own limits.

If you find it hard to know your limits, you may consider journaling to track how different activities seem to be affecting you. Over time, this can help clarify what is and isn't working for you. It can also help you get in touch with your values and priorities.

2. Then, share your limits clearly with friends and family!

Communication with friends about a topic like this can be hard! Remember to be firm and tell them why the boundary is in place. Consider practicing boundary-setting before you have to in other areas of your life.

At first, it was hard for me to trust that my friends wouldn't think less of me for not wanting to be out as late as they were. But when I told them, they understood, and some even agreed to leave with me so I wouldn't leave alone! I think I was able to inspire others to start setting their own boundaries.

Friends who don't understand your boundaries may not actually be your friends. Surround yourself with people who have your well-being in mind!

The best approach is to be clear and stick to your gut. You can do that by saying things like:

1. “Thanks for thinking of me but I'm swamped with schoolwork and I don't think I can make it right now.”

2. "I can't today since I have a dinner with family, but I'm free this weekend if you want to plan something!"

You can also suggest alternative ideas if you're not interested in the activity or event:

1. "Can we go to the movies instead of the mall? I don't have the energy for shopping today."

2. "I was actually thinking we could go see grandma next week, since I promised my friend I'd be there for her graduation party today."

Saying no and setting boundaries takes courage! If you struggle with internal confidence: